Quality time, they say, not quantity when it comes to spending time with your children. I get cooped up in the office for 9 freakin hours every single day plus the hour and a half to get through traffic amounts to 10 and a half hours away from my home, my life, my kids. I miss them, I miss being a mom, I miss cooking for them, I miss babying them, even though they are still babies (4 and 2 year-olds) I miss being at home.
After working till 6.30 yesterday and reaching home at 7.00pm, I walked into the house to find their beautiful smiling faces, and I realized they were the reason why I work so hard. I work to take them to the best of schools that I can afford, to build them a house they can play and grow up in, I work to give them the life I always wanted. But is it what they need if they can't have me? They can't have their mother to mother them, to take care of them, to feed them, to love them?
A guilt trip washes over me as I think of them each minute I am stuck in a freakin meeting that I know won't go anywhere and will probably get anybody anywhere. I think of what food they're eating when I'm eating on my own. Its sad, its awful, its stressing, but that's the price mothers have to pay today as the rights of mothers or children are not recognized by the state anyway.
Capitalists would have us believing that we need to get out into the workforce, to increase our income, while on the other hand, the cost of living increases, and we end up taking part time jobs to compensate for inflation, in turn leaving our kids to nurture themselves, grow up disturbed or bitter, we leave our lives behind, and our health welts away. Can you believe I survive on Ibuprofen tablets each day, as I don't have enough exercise, and I don't eat healthy, as I am cooped up in a freakin office all day! In winter, I don't know what sunshine means!!!
I love my kids dearly and I wish they would realize one day that I did it all for them, as best as I know.
So here I am, blogging my life away as I feel so frustrated and angry at all the capitalists of the world for creating such a freakin system that has everybody's lives in tatters.
To my kids, Love you sweeties, sorry for snapping at you yesterday!