Seriously. I think its around 3 or 4 pm that this sort of depression washes over me and I start thinking about my life and how I waste it on the mundane. These are the thoughts that roll inside my head,
what the hell am I doing in this job?
why do I leave my home, my children, my life, and sit here working my a** off?
how will my kids feel about me leaving them for so long every day?
how do I expect them to grow up and be successful and happy when I haven't been around to make sure they do the right things, think the right thoughts?
I miss their homework every day.
I miss discussing with them what they did in school every day.
I miss their playtime,
I miss their lunchtime
The only event I am there for every day is their bedtime.
They go to sleep and I sit up all night wishing they were awake so I could share their lives with them?
I wish it were that easy to quit and stay at home. I am caught between a rock and a hard place.
There's no escape.
I feel seriously depressed. These long work hours don't work for me.
I am unproductive because I feel so emotional. I need a break.
I want to be with my kids.
I want to be around for my daughter when she cries, when she wants to brush her hair, when she experiments with my make up every day.
I want to be around when my son breaks his brand new toy and looks around for someone to fix it, with tears in his eyes.
I want to be there to tie their shoes,
to talk to them,
to walk with them,
I love my job, its challenging, its interesting, its thought-provoking, but my life... passes by
The distance between us. is both physical and emotional.