Gaza Under Siege

From The Palestinian Cultural Club

ظلام دامس عاد ليغطي مدينة غزة بعد منع قوات الاحتلال من إدخال الوقود اللازم لتشغيل محطة توليد الكهرباء و

إغلاقه جميع المعابر المنفذة لغزة.

لحظات تمر على هذه المدينة بلا كهرباء... بلا ماء... بلا طعام... بلا أدنى مقومات الحياة.

أطفال غزة يستغيثون و أقل ما يمكننا فعله هو الدعاء، لفك الحصار القاتل عن أهل غزة، و إنقاذهم مما هم فيهم من معاناة. لكم الله يا أهل غزة...
!! فلنذكرهم إخوتي عندما نجلس في كنف الراحة والضوء والرفاهية، وعندما نشبع كل يوم ثلاث مرات

اللهم ضاقت الآمال وأنت الرجاء.

Life Disintegrating

What do I do when I miss you? How do I come to terms with your sudden death. I really need to talk to you baba. I miss you so much it hurts.
I still have your phone on my speed dial. But you are no longer there to answer my calls.
Wish I could reach out and talk to you somewhere.

On the 40th day, I had a dream. So vivid, I thought it was real.
I felt like you were really there talking to me. You were sitting on the floor, I was at your side facing you. You talked about "Jama3at AlQuran ElKareem" I was full of tears.
You were wearing a green shirt, and smiling.

You said: "Didn't you ask to see me?, that's why I came"
I cried a river for you. I cry a lifetime.

You said: "Didn't you want Seif to sit on my lap, that's why I came"

And I then saw my son Seif sitting on my lap.

Was this dream just wishful thinking? Was a message to tell me you are ok, you are happy? What was the significance of the green shirt? Was it a symbol of you in heaven?

All these thoughts keep swirling around in my head.

Is it just wishful thinking?

Love you dad. Miss you forever.

Love,
Soul

The Concept of Death...Baba you're gone

Silent Screams. Tearing through my head.

I can't come to terms with your death.

It was too sudden.

Too fast.

I don't understand the concept.

It makes no sense.

Life goes on.

Despondency fills my head.

Thoughts of gloom so great, I feel numb.



Two weeks have passed since you have gone, and I still remember the explosion in my head when I was told. In that cold hospital room, and the screams of my mother, and the screams of my brothers, and the ensuing despair. Eating at my soul.

I miss you. The warmth of your embrace, your kindness, your love, your dedication, your infinite selflessness.
I love you baba. I still can't understand why you're gone. Its a jolt of utter misery.

I love you. I will always miss you.

Ra7mat Allah 3laik.

Baba

Death. So Final. So Total. So Painful. Especially when death chooses my dear dear father.

I miss him in the morning most. I don't know why. I just loved to see him in the morning, sipping his turkish coffee and smoking his cigarette.

It was the 25th of Spetember, 2008, the 25th of Ramadhan 1429, when I lost my father to a stroke. He was fine on that day, we had Iftar (breaking the fast) and then sat and had a chat, then he went to the mosque to pray Isha & Taraweeh. He never got to the Taraweeh part. He started having severe chest pain. Some men from the mosque brought him back home (we live very close to the mosque), He was in severe pain but it was so fast, everything was so fast. It was chaotic, mind boggling. All but one of my brothers were there and myself. We were around him trying to massage him and waiting for the ambulance. It felt like an eternity till they arrived. By the time they did... It was too late, his pulse had become so weak, CPR was no use.

I later went to take the medical report from hospital. It said that they continued CPR for 27 minutes, or so. But there was no use.

My father is gone.

Baba, these are my words to you:

I have to deal with the fact that death is final. I keep waiting for you to knock my door, or carry my children, or bake me your famously delicious Knafe. But all that will have to be a memory.

I have to deal with my guilt within. The guilt of not being there for you enough, not holding your hands longer, not asking you what was bothering you, not sparing a second thought when you walked out of that door that fateful evening. A trauma I will never recover from. Not asking you if you were ok, if you were hurting in any way. I wish I had spent every waking minute with you. If only I could turn back time.

My dear beloved dad. I love you beyond words Baba, your life meant everything to me, your death is my ultimate pain. I wish I had talked to you longer, I wish I hugged you before you walked out to the mosque, I wish I took more pictures of you. I wish I told you I love you and that you meant the world to me. I wish I told you I loved what you had cooked for us that day, you had brought me mini pizzas and haloumi kabob sticks, remember? you said they were especially for me. Na2na2a you called them.

And we laughed.

We laughed that day at the table, when you were waiting for us to come and join you for Iftar.

You were happy that we came on a Thursday and not our customary Friday lunch/Iftar day. I'm so glad we came on that Thursday. I'm glad God gave me the chance to join you on your last meal with us. It hurts to use that word "last meal".

Seif was on your lap, eating, Amina was teasing you and asking you to stop smoking. We all loved you tremendously. We loved hearing you talk about things, life, Lebanon, Bahrain, my brothers, your job, and how dedicated you were.

I love you Baba.

I will visit you every day to let you know that I am still here, thinking of you, and praying for you, and wishing you were with us still. But perhaps you are in a better place. A place that truly appreciates the goodness of your heart, the purity of your intentions, the goodness that surrounded you.

Waves of people were upon us, mourning your death, our house jampacked with people who were shocked at the news. Too shocked for words,

I miss you, Baba.

May Allah's mercy be with you. It hurts to say that too. To come to terms with the fact that you are no longer with us. No longer on the table with us. Or not at work, or at Amto Mona's house.

I love you. I miss you. I will always remember you. You're always in my heart.

Your loving daughter,

Soul

Moving House

We should be. Sometime this week. Actually I'm being a bit too optimistic, but I am determined to move into my new dream house before Eid. I have had it. We have packed around 50% of our stuff (which are endless by the way) and we are currently living out of boxes, which can be very annoying.

We now have 2 Air conditioners installed on the second floor bedrooms, but are still waiting for the parquet people to arrive!! Also the rest of the AC units should be fixed this week.

I'm itching to scrub those floors and bathrooms, itching to clean the kitchen and start stacking my stuff in there...

Can't wait...its been 2 years of constant worry, back & forth visits to the site, the kids are getting restless, and so am I...

Will keep you posted on the latest progress...

Love,

SoulSearch

I "heart" Cake

or any dessert of any kind for that matter...

But cake, is just sooo ..... sumptuous, especially when its slathered with the creamiest possible whipping cream or toffee syrup or chocolate... yumo

Cake just makes life better, the day lovelier...

Go on, take a slice out of life...

Love,

SoulSearch

Egypt rock slide tragedy

Imagine sitting in the comfort of your tiny little home in some remote Egyptian village, the next thing you know, your ceiling comes crashing down on you, crushing you and the rest of your poor family to death.

The thoughts that went through their heads...

the fear...

the surprise...

the pain...

All this under the watchful eye of the governement. The people repeatedly warned them of cracks and movement in the huge boulders but their cries fell on deaf ears.

And the result more than 30 people killed, hundreds buried under tons of rock that slid over their shanty town...

Click here to read the AlJazeera's report

Yet another Arab Sorry Situation...

Peace,

SoulSearch

That's life 4 ya ...

I have this urge to just pack and leave. Travel for a while, see a few places I haven't been to, be dazzled by nature's beauty and just some darn fresh air.

The weather is currently killing me. In addition to my allergies, the AC air is just isn't for me. Imagine me saying that in Bahrain? huh? Isn't that just funny... tragic actually. My joints ache due to the unnatural cold from artificial cooling systems, wish you could just open a darn window or something...

well... enough complaining. I can be quite bitchy when I'm thirsty. which I am by the way... totally. The weather isn't helping at all.

here I go again complaining, aaaah what the heck. Its my blog, so I guess I can let out some steam.

The house isn't helping either. We were supposed to move next week. I'm all packed! But no. We have to constantly chase the different suppliers and the waiting continues...

Have a nice day everyone. I sure have tried...

Peace,

SoulSearch

Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Kareem everyone.

A time for us to give everything a break, from stuffing ourselves blind to reflecting on the state of the world.

I love the temporary change in routine that Ramadan brings. The absence of food & drink during the day allows for more time to think of my life, my career, my future, my beliefs. I've always had this sort of feeling, of cleansing, of purity, of serenity during the Holy Month.

I wish you all a serene Ramadan

وكل عام وانتم بخير

Seif's 4th Birthday

A few updates from my time off...

We celebrated Seif's 4th bithday with a CARS cake! He was thrilled.

I discovered he's such a shy boy! I love him.

Happy Birthday Sufyano.

I love you sweetheart.

Love,

Mama

We took a roadtrip to Kuwait, the kids loved it. Its great when you can convert your carseats to a bed for them. They loved the makeshift feeling! Shopping is amazing in Kuwait and the weather was not as bad as Bahrain. We were able to breathe for two minutes with no ACs, unlike Bahrain!!! Humidity is what is killing us here!!!

We did alot of shopping from IKEA, we actually spent the entire day there!!! The Avenues are huge!!! But you've got to have a huge budget because the Bahraini Dinar drops drastically before the might Kuwaiti Dinar!!!

Peace to you all...

Soul

Back Online...

Hello World,

I'm back online, back at my desk, back to the corporate world after 3 weeks of bliss. Its true that it flew by too fast, but its been amazing. Great bonding time with the kids, and great changes on the home front.

The construction of the house is almost done. Here's a quick summary:

1. All carpentry work has been finished (finally)
2. All plumbing has been fixed.
3. All wiring has been done,

As for pending jobs, these are:
1. Some painting touches still need to be finalized,
* the oustide fence,
* Amina's room
2. We need to buy and install the Air conditioning (We're thinking of Carrier, any suggestions?)
3. Entire cleaning process of the house needds to be done.
4. Finally the parquet...


But most importantly, we are now waiting for the power to come. We must wait for the electricity inspector who then gives us the green light! so to speak...

I'm hoping we could move in before Ramadan which is a week away, but I doubt if that can be done. I'm 50% packed but it would take more than one week to pack and upack 8 years of my life. And its not just me, its the kids as well.
I want to be careful during this transition as they need to adjust more than we do.

Its a huge house, and they have been used to living in a cramped apartment that was their whole world!!! They will be starting school on the 3rd of Septmeber too!!! Aaaaarrrggghhhh
A moment of panic there, but life goes on...

So that's where we are now...

Hope all's well on your front ;)

Love,
SoulSearch

Rick Astley - Cry For Help

An Amazing song that reminds me of my childhood. Hamood, remember the Betamax videotapes? Those were the days!

Love,
SoulSearch

Soul Time

The best part of my career is ...
My annual leave...


Have a Soulful time everyone...

Rita by Marcel Khalife

To Palestine...
To all victims of human rights violation all over the world.
Love,
SoulSearch

Israeli shoots Palestinian with hands bound point blank

Where are human rights today? Where is the world as this Palestinian is shot at point blank while blindfolded with his hands bound behind his back. In a most vulnerable state as a human being.
Where is the US from this? I wonder if this Israeli soldier will be thrown in jail for this blatant human rights violation. Though, I doubt it

Peace,
SoulSearch

Currently Reading ...

The Last Juror by John Grisham

The Whole Wheat Battle

Every morning,I wage a mini battle with my kids. They run to the kitchen, hoping to get there before me, to enjoy white bread or their favorite bleached cereal. But as soon as I am in there, I try to feed them what's good for them. I try!

For Lunch, its the same thing. They come home and expect white pasta or the more traditional white rice and can't imagine themselves eating anything with a tinge of brown.



What is a career mom to do? I need to rush to the office in the morning and don't have much time to argue, so I am sad to say that they win more often than I would like. HELP




I'm supposed to raise my children on whole wheat in a white bread world!

I hate white bread, who invented it & why? who thought of bleaching nature's beautiful bounties, nature's warm colors & goodness to deliver to our tables the un-nutritional white products? They must be evil....

Seriously... white bread is bad for you

The problem in Bahrain is not all nearby grocery stores (what we call cold stores) have brown bread on their shelves. I have to go all the way to a bakery to buy brown bread which is 5 times the price of white bread and then I come home to wage the Wheat Battle with my kids! & Brown Rice is out of the question. When you go into a shop to ask for it, they don't even know what you're talking about! Even whole wheat pasta doesn't seem to be readily available...

What's a caring mama gotta do to get her little kiddies to be whole wheat kids...

Peace,
SoulSearch

Home Sweet Home...Update III

Some images from the Home Front.

Our doors finally fixed. I love the natural wood color but apparently this has to be painted a darker color. Don't ask! Something about the wood panels used not being solid or something along that direction.



Our cars in the garage! Yipee!










I'm in love with these windows which are on top of the main staircase. They flood this place ith light!

Love,
SoulSearch

Summer Fun

I've been trying to get my kids into a routine since school has been out. They've been kind of bored, loitering around all morning, waiting for 2 really beat parents to join in games, crayons, and craft projects!!!

With kids around, you always need to be a Soul Mama, they need your undivided attention, love and care. And I can only give them just that.

Here is a list of what I plan to do for them in the coming few weeks...

1. Buy a few books; they love it when we read to them, Green Eggs & Ham by Dr. Seuss is one of them.
2. Craft Central, I've been thinking of putting together some projects for them to get busy with during the day, including painting, puzzles, math worksheets, etc.
3. I've signed them up for some Quran classes in the morning, a little bit of spirituality to open up their minds.
4. They love swimming and the beach, so maybe once or twice a week, a trip to AlBandar


Can't wait for my annual leave in August, I seriously need some quality family time!

Love,
SoulSearch

Home Sweet Home...Update II

Home Sweet Home...

Its been a while since I've updated you on what's happening on the Home Construction Front. Its been slow. That's for sure, but really annoying.

1. The carpenter is taking his time finishing the wood work,

2. The pipefitter still needs to fix all the piping,

3. The Aluminum guy is brings a window here & a door there!

4. A few odds & ends that go on and on and on and on and on ...

The excuses are endless.

The most intense part of construction is the finishing. Really. "Tanateesh" is what that's called in Bahrain... & we're being seriously "Tanateeshed" at the moment...

*That's Seif my son, peering in the second pic

But with the prices of construction materials going up like crazy, it has left us a little dazed. We barely missed the 20% 0r 30% hike in all construction materials.

Will update you soon with more images...

Peace,

Soul