Soul Favorites

Soul Searching today, just a few things I have been excited about (& inspired by) and wanted to share...

1. Orange flowers in bloom: Come across this gorgeous tree very morning when I drop the kids to school. They love to watch the bold colors of the flowers, and I love the way they appreciate nature.

2. Really cool prayer rug: designed by Soner Ozenc, it gives you the direction of the Qiblah (Mecca) and it lights up the patterns on it in a florescent iry light. Its called Sajjadah 1426. Love it:

3. I love Weekends. Although I would very much prefer a 5-day weekend, I like spending my 2 days of freedom with the kids walking in the afternoon warmth, just around the block with the kids on their scooties, they love that!

4. Finalizing our kitchen layout: here is the model...

Honey cherry color for the cabinets and a white countertop, they've promised to fix it by 15th June... so fingers crossed!

5. The Kite Runner: By Khalid Hosseini, an amazing read, the journey of an Afghan boy through the tirbulations of childhood, adolecense and adulthood amidst the guilt he felt towards his best friend, Hassan, and the turmoil of the Afghan war and consequent downfall of the country.

Stayed up many many nights reading this book. Loved it!

6. Last but not least: Lebanon, has finally elected a president.

Michelle Sleiman has been elected as the 12th president of the Lebanese Republic. The country was on the brink of another civil war, but people have had enough bloodshed to last them many lifetimes. We already have a bloody warzone in Iraq & Palestine. We dont need one in Lebanon.

Love to everyone...

SoulSearch.

The world is just fine...

But my TV screen is bleeding...

Lebanon unrest, the country on the brink of civil war (again!)

China earthquake: 22,000 declared dead so far. 7,000 schools flattened!

Myanmar: Cyclone Nargis leaves 15,000 people killed....

And 60 years on, Palestine is still under the grip of the Zionist occupation...

The essence of my life...

Seriously. I think its around 3 or 4 pm that this sort of depression washes over me and I start thinking about my life and how I waste it on the mundane. These are the thoughts that roll inside my head,
what the hell am I doing in this job?
why do I leave my home, my children, my life, and sit here working my a** off?
how will my kids feel about me leaving them for so long every day?
how do I expect them to grow up and be successful and happy when I haven't been around to make sure they do the right things, think the right thoughts?
I miss their homework every day.
I miss discussing with them what they did in school every day.
I miss their playtime,
I miss their lunchtime

The only event I am there for every day is their bedtime.
They go to sleep and I sit up all night wishing they were awake so I could share their lives with them?

I wish it were that easy to quit and stay at home. I am caught between a rock and a hard place.
There's no escape.

No escape.

I feel seriously depressed. These long work hours don't work for me.
I am unproductive because I feel so emotional. I need a break.
I want to be with my kids.
I want to be around for my daughter when she cries, when she wants to brush her hair, when she experiments with my make up every day.
I want to be around when my son breaks his brand new toy and looks around for someone to fix it, with tears in his eyes.
I want to be there to tie their shoes,
to talk to them,
to walk with them,

I love my job, its challenging, its interesting, its thought-provoking, but my life... passes by

The distance between us. is both physical and emotional.


Soul

Lebanon...bleeding

The streets, the trees, the clouds, the human limbs.

Lebanon tearing itself apart from within...

There is no escape this time...

Lebanon is bleeding ... I can hear the blank screams...

on a child's face

the innocence violated

one more time

again

and again

Where are we going this time?

Why do you destroy a place where my ancestors once lived...

A country of beauty, of love, of family, of eternal culture.

I love Lebanon, always...

SoulSearch

Life Just Wasting Away

Somber Mood.

Life just wasting away.

I sit before a stupid screen

Typing my life away.

Hours...

Minutes...

Seconds...

turn to

days...

months...

years...

My life just wasting away...

An attempt to dull my fears...

An attempt to ease my pain...